one last thing

i just read something completely hypocritical and it's made me so angry that i'm laughing. unfortunately i can't post what it's about as it involves people who might actually read this though tbh them reading it is not why i'm not posting it. it's because i'm nice.

LOL.

three posts at once. lucky bastards.

and another thing

why is it that in movies we are very often treated to shots of "sexy" women with their breasts out (and the occasional vagina, thanks to Basic Instinct) and yet never do we get to see a flurry of naked men?

robbie said to me that it's probably because penises are seen more as "comedic" than parts of a woman's body (which is true in a way, but that's only because you only ever SEE them IN comedy films. if they were put in arty, serious films, they wouldn't be seen as comedic in the context)

it's not that i particularly want to see lots of naked men in my films (i'd probably rather not) but, as i may have mentioned, i am not particularly keen on watching naked women prancing around. at least if there was a few naked men in movies then maybe men might start to understand how images of naked people can affect one's view of oneself and how they can just make you feel really, really shit about yourself.

i'm fed up with all this.

contemplation

sometimes i wonder why i stop putting effort into things. obviously part of it is because i'm lazy, and i know that. it annoys me slightly but really laziness wouldn't hold me back any if i didn't let it.

but there are other times when i don't even need to wonder why i stop putting the effort in; it's so blatant from how i get treated and, haha, mis-treated that i just stop trying because it won't make a difference anyway.

my feelings are hurt and i'm getting my hair cut tomorrow. we got a new computer and it is much faster than our last. it's quite pretty but this keyboard is flatter and thus more difficult to type on without making mistakes.

it's ewan's birthday today: happy birthday.

i think i've stopped putting effort in because of all the times before when i would put it in and i would really work hard and just feel completely deflated afterwards, because of the lack of response it got. sometimes it was all for nothing.

i feel a bit broken.

last night robbie and i went to the cinema and saw Charlie Bartlett. it's so good, very entertaining, and i enjoyed it a lot.

i'm fed up of coming on the internet just to find all the stored stuff and the history all deleted. i'm fed up of seeing naked people. perhaps the way to combat this would be for the people in this house to not look at fucking porn and thus they would not need to clear the history and i would not be annoyed. nor would i then occasionally find a girl with fake tits staring at me "seductively" from the computer screen.

i hate porn. i think it may actually be the most unsexy thing in the history of the world.

how. fucking. ironic.
you bunch of stupid arseholes.

devoid of emotion?

good morning.

I don't really know what I'm going to say. The weekend before last was good. I went through to Edinburgh on Friday evening and sat about with Robbie and his uni palz in the Edinburgh student union kinda place. We watched a lot of My Name is Earl (back at the flat, obviously) too. Saturday he went to another uni thing, so I went shopping on Princes Street. It was pretty busy, but it was a fairly nice day so it was quite nice. pretty fairly quite, how half-arsed.

On Sunday I went home and on Monday Robbie came back through here. We went to his dad's and saw his new brother who was rather cute (though babies do scare me a little) : ) then, oh yes, we went to the cinema. We saw Forgetting Sarah Marshall (nothing else on...) and it was actually a lot funnier than it looks in the adverts. Maybe even worth seeing? : o
The next two days were a blur of rofling and eating and sitting about. I believe there was a terribly scary thunder storm on Tuesday. If Robbie hadn't been there, I would've been scaaaaared. Instead, I was still scared, but sitting squeeeeshed up next to him as he played Mario Kart.
dumdeedaahh on Wednesday we saw Three and Out which was pretty good too, but really sad.

Then there were some days of boredom. It got sunny on Saturday, and after hanging out with Angelica and Alexis in the afternoon, we ended up in the botanics with a wee group of other people. It was really hot!

Yesterday was hot too, but there was a really cool breeze and it was too busy to play frisbee, so I was actually a little chilly at times. I went home quite early though, because it was boring! No one would come out, so it was basically just me, Liam and Neil with Hannah and Kate for a wee while and then some other randomers from school too. In the end, the group of randomers went to play football and I went home.

Today is CRUK day. And I feel kind of confused. I'm glad I have CRUK today though, as I need something to do. hmph...
I'm so lonely, and it makes me feel stupid.
huff.